God Gave Birth
by SexyBeastLeviathan
Summary: God has twins! Who What When Where Why and Most Importantly How did this happen! The Universe sure is one strange place indeed! Let's explore the mysteries of Creation with God! M-PREG! Don't like don't read! No hell flamey flamey :D


God gave birth to Adam and Eve (we still don't know who the father is, my guess is Darth Vader :P) as the result of a very awkward case of MPREG!

God had been craving fried rice smothered with peanut butter for some odd reason!

(Yes we all know fried rice and peanut butter had both not been invented by humans yet, but God could pull anything from the future into existance, and he demanded it because he was preggers god-dammit!)

God being god did not need a nursemaid because he could handle it all by himself.

Guess what? He had twins!

Waaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Since it was the beginning of the human race and all that, it was ok for them to populate the earth by being intimate together. ('cuz god said so!)

Oh, and if you are wondering how they can possibly be twins because Eve was made from Adam's Rib, let me explain the sad tale to you.

They were born as conjoined twins.

God hadn't adjusted human's biological make-up completely as of yet, so Eve WAS literally one of Adam's ribs!

Adam has a female rib that was his twin sister and talked to him!

He would lovingly caress his skin where he could feel his sister right underneath his fingertips.

They had a beautiful bond that no one could break, they loved each other sooooooooooooo very much (awww!)

Then one fateful day, Adam got a serious injury as he was skipping along the flower-fields in paradise with his beautiful twin sister, he tripped over the edge of a cliff and broke his ribs!

_Help Me! Help Me!_ came the muffled cries of Eve! _I am dying! I have been broken in two! Help Me Brother!_

Adam had been knocked unconscious from the fall, and could not lend a helping hand to the bone.

God was busy watching Gossip Girl on his television screen from the future, when his spidey-senses started tingling!

"To the Batmobile!" He shouted. (He really needs to stop watching so much television!)

Off he went following his heart to wherever it may lead him.

When God saw Adam broken on the ground he was all like, -GOD'S INNERMOST THOUGHTS-_Oh no! You have GOT to be kidding me! How is ANYBODY as stupid as to run off this cliff! Was he skipping again or something gay like that? I wish I had never made humans. Oh well, too late now I suppose. Might as well do some surgery and put him and his sister back together. *BIG SIGH*"_

God took out the rib and he decided that he didn't want to have to fix both of the twins when the less intelligent of the two (and quite possibly homosexual?) decided to get himself killed in a stupid way again.

God was going to be really tired for several centuries from the birth of the twins. It just simply takes entirely too much energy to heal both of them when they are near dead.

He has to keep them alive in order to breed.

That's what he made 'em for, and that's what he has decreed they shall indeed do!

So, he ended up making a new body for Eve, and decided to make it similar to Adam's, yet shape differently.

With round shapey things on the chest, and without the penis! *le gasp*

Since humans were formed in the image of god him/herself, she was shaped as he was himself when he was with children.

God had needed a way to carry the children, and to feed them so he had looked like a woman at the time.

He decided that he liked his breasts however, and he decided to keep those when he turned back into his male form.

Eve was looking around wildly, because having a set of eyes was indeed a new experience for her.

(She was a rib for Christ's sake!0

She clapped her hands together like a little child, and laughed with glee.

"I think I will like this new body you have given me mother! Thanks You So Much!" Eve sang.

She ran up to her mother and gave him a huge squeeze.

"You are very welcome, now let us try to wake your lazy dumb brother up and see what he thinks of you."


End file.
